Things I Can Guarantee My Mother will Wish To Discuss in Every Single Phone-Call

  1. The price of cushions in Dunelm
  2. The outrage of People With Jobs shopping in Morrisons when 70-year-olds want to buy their biscuits at 8pm on a Thursday evening
  3. The hidden dangers of crossing the road (because clearly I have never navigated one successfully yet, despite considerable evidence to the contrary)
  4. There is never anything on TV
  5. The price of tea-towels in Dunelm
  6. Her latest all-out Navy Seals-style attack on some poor call-centre flunkey
  7. The resulting and usually incredibly impressive deal she wrangled out of aforementioned poor call-centre flunkey (who now has her name on a blacklist of Pensioners To Avoid)
  8.  What my husband and I will be having/have had for dinner
  9. How her immaculately fault-free parenting has made me the person I am today
  10. The price of curtains in Dunelm

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