What I Would Do If I Were Ever to be Invited to the Cannes Film Festival

1. Dangle Naomi Campbell off a Russian oligarch’s super-yacht by her hair-weave
2. Yell ‘how much for the whole night?’ at George Clooney’s girlfriend
3. Congratulate Cheryl Cole on the marvellous irony of her judging a talent show
4. Wear a Renault Espace as a hat and tell everyone it was a Gaga-esque fashion homage
5. Try to sign Brad Pitt up for my film idea: a remake of Se7en, in which Spacey severs Gwyneth Paltrow’s ACTUAL head (if he’s heard her singing, he’s bound to be up for it)

This entry was posted on Wednesday, May 18th, 2011 at 5:07 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.